Thursday, June 12, 2008

A gamble

In the past couple days it's been occurring to me just how much I'm going to miss my friends when I'm gone. Maybe the anticipation will be worse than the actual separation, but it sure looks bad! I find it hard to grasp that I won't see most of my friends for at least five weeks, some it'll be seven. For me, this is a bit staggering. I have my routine, and I tend to schedule everything around when I can next see a friend. So the thought of five or seven weeks is a bit astounding. Not to mention that I'll miss out on that much time of their life, and they on mine. A whole month of time that could have been spent getting to know each other even better, building more memories, talking in the shade. . .

Then again, when I think about what I'll be doing instead, I know that I wouldn't give it up for time with friends. Besides, I'll probably make friends on the trip. :)

This is most likely brought on because a group of my friends left to CO to meet up with a bunch of my online friends, which means my afternoons are emptier than before. They left today, I said goodbye last night. I won't see any of them for at least seven weeks, how sad is that? Sometimes I wish I didn't get so emotionally attached to my friends, but I think it's part of who I am, and I'm okay with it most of the time. It's only when it comes to things like this that I wish I could just disconnect myself.

On a brighter note, I will see all of my friends again, at some time or another, and I know that this trip will probably far surpass any expectations I had for it. I can't know what God has in store, but He normally has better things in store than I'd planned, even if it takes some time to see the better part. I recently ran into a Relient K song (yes, I like them. They tend to put things so clearly and cleverly...) that has a little clip that I love, "I won't think twice, or even three times, about taking a gamble with You. Because with my life You have been so kind"

That is so true! I can complain half the time I post on here, I can point out all the rough bits of my life, (which highly involve my own failings) and I can do any number of things, but when I really sit back and think about it, I can see that God has been kind. He's slowly been working in my life, and I can truthfully say I am much happier now that I've mostly given God the reins than when I kept them for myself. I may fall, I may sometimes decide to embrace the black hole I can see at times, but He always calls me back and draws me to Him and into light again. He reminds me of times gone when I've found rest in Him, times when I've laughed out loud for the unexpected joy that He's given me. . .I can't live without Him, and so I always find myself returning to Him.

All that to say, going on this trip is a gamble for me. I can see what I'd have if I stayed home, but I don't know what this trip will hold. But I believe it's a gamble God has asked me to take, and since every gamble I've taken with Him (willingly or not) has turned out for good, and since He has only ever been abundantly good to me, I'm willing to take this one up.


Jesse said...

hey! what relient k song is that?
and great post! =]

Mary said...

It's from their song "Falling Out". Great song, in my opinion. The first line is "I'm falling out of favor with the world, they say" and the last line is "'cause I know, I'm never falling out of favor with You now."

Thanks :)

Kelly said...

They'll miss you...and so will we!! Have a great time! God can do some wonderful things!!!