Saturday, June 21, 2008

Later

The suitcase sits there,
staring at me.
I sit across from the suitcase,
staring at it.


Less then a day now,
my mind tells me.
In a year from now,
my heart says.

Could I be leaving tomorrow?
Impossible!
Next month, maybe even next year,
but not tomorrow.


Yet here I am,
packed.
And waiting for something,
for it to be time.

Time to board the plane,
to fly.
Time to go to another country,
to be gone.

Yet I’m still here,
Now.
All that stuff?
Later.

I'll fly across the ocean,
but later.
I’ll see old friends and make new,
later.

Be in a foreign country and homesick?
Later.
Live day by day with unknowns and new things?
Later.

Surely it will all happen,
but just later.
It can’t happen now,
surely it can’t.

My mind can’t comprehend it--
The time must be later.
I don’t know when,
but not now.

Now would be just fine,
but it can’t be.
All I know is that
it’s later.

But later will soon sneak up on me.
Later.
Soon I’ll realize--
Later is tomorrow.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Quick Note

While I'm in Hong Kong I'll be sending email updates. If you would like to get on that emailing list, let me know and I'd be glad to. I also might get Mom to post them on here for me, I haven't decided yet.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

To Do List

-Go to dance
-Pack
-Review clothes and make sure I have all the shirts I need
-Say goodbye to multiple friends
-Try to get Mom to let me go to the Arts View Theatre's Jungle Book performance, preferably on Saturday.
-Get shoes.
-Buy a few leftover items, like body powder. (It's humid there)
-Pray
-Make sure my AC Adapter for my MP3 player works. I'd hate to run out of batteries while gone!
-Get my flight times to the people I'm staying with in El Paso before I leave for Hong Kong. (Don't want to never make it out of the airport...)



That's it! I'm surprised at how small it is now...It's no longer daunting, how amazing. (there's only ten things on there) I know I never made one when it was daunting, but there were definitely a lot more things on it at the beginning of the week.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Jackpot

Monday and Tuesday were spent shopping. I abhore shopping. Yet I did it anyways, because I have to. When I go to Hong Kong I can't wear jeans, because they'll be too hot. It's extremely hot and humid there. Jeans are my main choice of wear. Which meant I needed clothes.

So we shopped. According to the to bring list, I need 2-3 pairs of capris, 3 shorts, and two pairs of preformance pants/capris. None of which I had. Mom and I had been going from store to store and finding nothing that worked. We found some at Old Navy, but I don't like them. They're tolerable, but that's it.

Our last stop yesterday was Burlington Coat Factory, and as I was going through I started finding these pants, capris, and shorts that all looked like they'd work. And they were all by the same company. Sure enough, they fit great, and on top of that were at great prices. So we bought them, and now I can breathe freely knowing I don't have to go shopping again. =) I'll have to make some Walmart runs, but those don't really count since it won't be for clothes.

I now understand what Mom has said in the past. It seems that God provides just what we need, when we need it for these trips. I needed these pants, and we found them. The lack of good pants/capris/shorts had been seriously worrying me, but then we found them all at once! I'm in awe. I also love the shorts best, which surprised me, since I don't normally like shorts. But I like these ones.

My plane leaves in four days! Wow.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

A gamble

In the past couple days it's been occurring to me just how much I'm going to miss my friends when I'm gone. Maybe the anticipation will be worse than the actual separation, but it sure looks bad! I find it hard to grasp that I won't see most of my friends for at least five weeks, some it'll be seven. For me, this is a bit staggering. I have my routine, and I tend to schedule everything around when I can next see a friend. So the thought of five or seven weeks is a bit astounding. Not to mention that I'll miss out on that much time of their life, and they on mine. A whole month of time that could have been spent getting to know each other even better, building more memories, talking in the shade. . .

Then again, when I think about what I'll be doing instead, I know that I wouldn't give it up for time with friends. Besides, I'll probably make friends on the trip. :)

This is most likely brought on because a group of my friends left to CO to meet up with a bunch of my online friends, which means my afternoons are emptier than before. They left today, I said goodbye last night. I won't see any of them for at least seven weeks, how sad is that? Sometimes I wish I didn't get so emotionally attached to my friends, but I think it's part of who I am, and I'm okay with it most of the time. It's only when it comes to things like this that I wish I could just disconnect myself.

On a brighter note, I will see all of my friends again, at some time or another, and I know that this trip will probably far surpass any expectations I had for it. I can't know what God has in store, but He normally has better things in store than I'd planned, even if it takes some time to see the better part. I recently ran into a Relient K song (yes, I like them. They tend to put things so clearly and cleverly...) that has a little clip that I love, "I won't think twice, or even three times, about taking a gamble with You. Because with my life You have been so kind"

That is so true! I can complain half the time I post on here, I can point out all the rough bits of my life, (which highly involve my own failings) and I can do any number of things, but when I really sit back and think about it, I can see that God has been kind. He's slowly been working in my life, and I can truthfully say I am much happier now that I've mostly given God the reins than when I kept them for myself. I may fall, I may sometimes decide to embrace the black hole I can see at times, but He always calls me back and draws me to Him and into light again. He reminds me of times gone when I've found rest in Him, times when I've laughed out loud for the unexpected joy that He's given me. . .I can't live without Him, and so I always find myself returning to Him.

All that to say, going on this trip is a gamble for me. I can see what I'd have if I stayed home, but I don't know what this trip will hold. But I believe it's a gamble God has asked me to take, and since every gamble I've taken with Him (willingly or not) has turned out for good, and since He has only ever been abundantly good to me, I'm willing to take this one up.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Rest

Rest.

To rest in God's love and strength, to marvel at His creation. . .This is something I love to be able to do. So often I cheat myself from this joy by trying to find rest in a book, or by letting worries choke out simple trust in God.

Some lines from a song by Jeni Varnideau explain well what I'm thinking of; "This is rest, this is peace, this surpasses understanding"

I look at nature, especially the clouds, and I find myself longing for this life to be over, to be home... Yet other times I find myself not wanting it to be over, not yet. There are too many people who haven't known God. "To die is gain, to live is Christ" as the apostle Paul said.