Thursday, May 22, 2008

Oklahoma City

We'll be going to OKC this weekend to visit Jonathan and Kelly. (My brother and his wife) I'm looking forward to this, as I miss seeing them and would like to know what their new home looks like. I also won't get to see them in June when everybody else gets to. . .I'll either be in El Paso or Hong Kong by that time. Which I'm looking forward to, but it'll be hard to not see so many family members that I haven't seen for a while. (Rachael and William, for instance. I haven't seen then since last December)

Dad finished reading Prince Caspian to my younger siblings last night, and this evening he started Voyage of the Dawn Treader. They seem to like it. (What else could be expected?)

This week has been a blur. Not the good kind of blur. My dreams have been exhausting, I've been thinking too much during the day, things that shouldn't have me worried do, and I spend about half the day wandering around the house wondering what to do or reading. Both fairly mindless activities. Although I have been getting things done the other half, they are done in the same mood.

I hesitate to post this, but I hate not being real. Normally I just don't post, but I do want to post today . . . and I guess I'm also posting it because I'd really appreciate prayer. These days have felt too much like last summer which was hard for me, and I fear falling again. I know I've changed a lot, but I also know I still hold on to feelings that create depression when they linger. For some reason they are something I want to grab a hold of and taste. My friend Cassie said recently (on her blog) that she tends to want to experince all feelings to their full, that made me pause and realize that I too do that. I want to taste the painful feelings and draw them out. Not a good thing, but something that's very real for me. I struggle with it.

I'm off to bed now. I hope you all have a blessed weekend!

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