Monday, December 17, 2007

"Further in and further out"

Okay, so I've been told several times by both Julia and Sarah that I need to blog... I've been back online for what, over two weeks now?

I suppose y'all probably want a report on how my time offline went. Or maybe that's just what seems in order. Except, half the reason I haven't blogged yet is because there really isn't anything to say about the time offline. At least, nothing big. But does there always have to be something big for the time to have been good? I don't think so. Yet I'm not even sure saying that the time was good would be true. Well, without some explanation that is.

Okay, enough rambling. (I like to think through things a lot) It was good to be offline. It was wonderful to feel free of the 'need' to get on and coordinate my time so I'm online when my friends are. I had hoped to refocus on God during that time. It didn't work that way. Why? I don't know.

These past two weeks though. . . I don't know exactly how to describe it, but I know that God has been doing something. It's been a rough few weeks, I've felt like I'm fighting something and I didn't know what. Bit by bit, God has been bringing things up, pointing them out, and slowly teaching me that I do know what to do with the knowledge. Ever tried to get away from something with the excuse of "I don't know how"? I sure do it a lot.

I feel like God's been calling me to go further in with Him. (Kind of like in the last book in Narnia... "further in and further out" or something like that) Eric Ludy said life is an endless frontier, I agree. God's been saying "Okay, you got over trying to completely forget about me, now I want you to fall in love with me." I've learned that life without Him is worthless, miserable, and lifeless, now I need to learn what life with Him is like.

Last night, one of my friends asked what I was up to while talking in G-chat. One of the things I listed was "thinking." It was then I realized that I really have been thinking, that there's been a lot that I've been sorting out and trying to decide how to react to. Writing in my journal last night about what I've just said here, I started getting excited. Last time God gave me things to mull over, like now, and I felt the conflict I've been feeling, things changed. And I'm so glad they did. I can smile now and mean it, who knows what's in store next? I want to give in to God's will, because He is so much more capable than I am, and I know that He always has great things in store. Whether or not they're painful doesn't matter. He is so amazing, I want to live for HIS glory.

Now, I will leave you with a poem I wrote last week.

Have You Seen?

Can you see the clouds outside?
Up in the sky they reside.
Casting shadows and filtering sun.
So beautiful and wonderful each one.

What about the night sky?
Stars shining and a meteorite on the fly.
So calm, so peaceful and mysterious.
The bright moon, so imperious.

And the sun on a clear day?
Bringing hope in many a way.
The blue sky so clear,
chasing away each fear.

Have you seen the rain falling?
And as you watched felt a calling,
to go and walk and dance in flurries,
to let it wash away your worries?

And on each amazing day,
do you ever stop and say;
“Thank you, Lord,
for this world.”


Jesse said...

I love your poem! Merry Christmas!
Have a great Christmas and good New Year! =)

Julia said...

great post Mary! I really appreciate your insights. See you after Christmas. Love you!