Wednesday, October 31, 2007

A Break

I'm taking a break from the internet. I won't be online during the month of November. I decided today that I've been spending too much time online, and that it's getting between me and God. So, I won't be posting in here until Decemeber.

Hope you all have a good month, and see all of you in person sooner later :)
-Mary

Sunday, October 28, 2007

God is good.

Yes, that’s been said a lot, but I think it’s worth repeating. God is good.

He came down to earth. He gave up His inconceivable world for our little world.
He loved us, and we rejected Him. We hurt Him, betrayed Him, beat Him, killed Him. Yet He still loved, and He still didn’t turn in anger on us. He didn’t have to save us…

I can’t help but think how truly amazing He is.

The sun during the day, sometimes I stare in wonder at it. The blinding light, it holds something in my heart. The stars at night, aren’t they amazing? They’re God’s handiwork, yet He considers humans to be His most amazing work of all. Holding a small child in my arms, I feel that it’s true that God’s greatest creation is humans, but it humbles me to think of that.

Tell me, who is better than God? Who can compare?

He rescues us from our sin, and He gives us second chance upon second chance. He shows us mercy by forgiving our sins, and He shows us grace by giving us more than we deserve. Yet through it all, He is just, righteous, and awesome.

God is good.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Sewing!

I'm surrounded by sewing. Constantly thinking of it, talking about it, doing it, dreaming about it... And all by my own choice! I'm making a Jedi costume for two, actually three, reasons. First is for next Wednesday, Peter and I will be taking Daniel and Camila to the LeTu halloween thingy. Second is for my nephew's, Conlan's, birthday party with is a costume party. Third is because I like the outfit and know I'll have fun with it in the future. =P And to add to that, I love sewing, which is motivation enough in itself almost.

The costume is a light tan tunic with a broad belt, a dark grey cloak, (which I have dubbed a "Jedi Traveling Cloak" because it's not like the cloaks I normally make) probably pants and boots, and of course, a light-saber.

So I started on Wednesday. At this current point in time I have the cloak and tunic both mostly put together. With the cloak, I need to hem it, (oh, what fun! I'm putting that off because I don't like the complications involved) do the hood, and put on the neck band thing. With tunic, I need to make the belt, (which I'm stalling on because I'm a little confused) maybe add velcro, and maybe do this different hem thing.

Daniel and Camila are both going as Darth Vader! So Mom's been making them each a cloak for that, then they'll wear black, long-sleeved shirts, black pants, and gloves. On the front of the shirts we'll attach some black plastic things with "lights" glued on to mimic his chest piece. Mom's having fun doing that, but I think we may get Camila to do some of her cloak. Daniel got excited this morning and worked on his chest piece, he did a good job. =) I was so relieved that he woke up in a good mood this morning because I've been watching them since about 10am and will probably keep watching them until around 1. Mom is at the ladies' bible study and then she'll go shopping. It's no fun watching a "holy terror", but a little boy that's being really sweet? Now that I enjoy.


I think I am going to take a well-earned break from sewing and read the Return of the King and watch some of Star Wars Episode IV that my siblings are watching.

-Mary

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Poem

Written October 24, A.D. 2007

Driven down bitter roads,
I wish no longer for quiet.
Only for peace in my heart,
For calm inside it.

I know well that yell.
It means Daniel's upset,
And Mom is holding him--
Oh how that noise I regret.

Things they* seem to get over quickly
Fester and kill inside of me
Leaving me hurt for days
Keeping me from who I want to be

"If I raise my hands just to lift the shade,
Will I reveal a sky heavy and gray?
Will last night be a memory sweetly fading?
How I hate a morning starting out this way."**

On this lonely rigid morning,
I can feel the cold descending,
I can feel that weight pressing.
But I'm turning... turning...

Oh Lord of Heaven and of Earth,
A thousand times I fail,
And I don't feel of any worth,
But I know You will avail.

So here I am,
Crying out to You,
Have Your way with me.
I don't care what You do.

You know all my thoughts,
Every worry and each strife,
But they're not important anymore.
All I want is Your life.

Your Peace overflowing--
It makes me want to live.
Your Joy and Hope--
They make me want to give.

So whether a cold wind blows,
Or the sun warmly chooses to shine,
With You through it all,
I know everything will be just fine.


...

*My two younger siblings.
**Beginning of "Hands in the Air" by The Waiting.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

More about Camping

So I said I’d write about the camping trip today, which I will. But I thought I’d start with a question that I came up with Friday night, and talked about Saturday. I was also told it was a “blog question“.

Say there was this place you visited often with a friend, and at the place there was also a cliff that you knew was a long drop and had nothing to stop a fall at the bottom. Now, the place you often sat and talked at is in sight of the edge, but not so close as to see over the edge. My question is, is there anyone who if they told you that they wanted you to jump off the cliff that you would do it for? If you hadn't been to the edge that day and all they said was “Hey, I want you to go run and jump off that cliff. Just trust me.” … Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not think anybody has the right to say that except God, my question is only hypothetical.

Cassie said “I don’t know if I would be able to trust someone that much” Me? Well, I finally decided that there were some people who I trust enough. But I cannot imagine them even thinking of asking me to do that. The thing with me is, I don’t find it hard at all to trust people. That worries me at times, because I know many people have their trust betrayed and don‘t trust easily, but that hasn’t happened to me yet. Yet… it worries me because I don’t see how I can escape that much longer. Have I just been lucky? Is there a reason? I really don’t know. Because I trust easily, I often have a compulsion to pour my heart out to just about anybody. That’s been changing the past year, especially the past six (or so) months.


On to camping.

I mentioned that camping trips have recently become “un-fun”. That would be because of the trips changing, and me changing.

It used to be, I’d want to go camping, we’d go on a couple short hikes, go swimming a lot, play card games, row around in boats, make walking sticks, and other things. All of which I did because I wanted to, and I loved. It was great family time.

Then with Camila and Daniel things had to change. Lately when we’ve gone camping we’ve brought the motorboat and gone to nearby lakes. We’d go out in the boat, swim, play some card games, etc. I reacted badly to being around them constantly. I would get irritated, I started disliking boating, and card games because I didn’t like Daniel and Camila’s behavior. I would read all I could in the camper, try to get out of all boating trips, try to participate the least possible, etc. Except everything became mandatory, which I highly disliked. But I did still like swimming… Over all though, the trips were not fun.

The time before this recent one was good. I enjoyed it, had some great times with my siblings, and came back with a good view on it. Although I still read my books a lot I read less, which was good.

This time, Daniel and Camila had friends to play with all the time so I barely saw them. And when I did it was fine because they were in good moods. Before leaving I had been worried. I didn’t want to go. I figured better safe than sorry. In my opinion staying home would be safe. I know what to expect here, and I know when I’ll be able to hang out with friends. Camping, I had no clue whether I’d be forced into stuff I didn’t want to do, I didn’t know if there would be anybody I’d enjoy hanging out with, I just didn’t know how it would turn out. And going by past trips I decided it would probably turn out badly. Friday afternoon I found myself with free time so I went on a walk on campus because I needed to do something about the way I was feeling. I knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to talk with God if I were at home so I figured a walk would help. It did. I gave the trip to Him and basically said “do what You will, You know what would be best.” I said that down at the pond, I was surprised on the walk back how much lighter things seemed!



I’m telling you all this, why? So maybe you’ll understand why I didn’t expect it to be good, and why I was so glad it turned out well.

Saturday consisted mainly of hiking, swimming in freezing water during the middle of the hike, and resting afterwards. The swim was fun, it was where we stopped for lunch at a waterfall. Two of the men went in, then Gracie, then me, then Camila, then Avery. I almost didn’t go in after seeing Gracie’s shocked face. It was refreshing. I thought I’d regret it after I started hiking, but I didn’t. My clothes dried for the most part by the time we got back, and the kept me cool on the hike because they were wet. That day my brother and his two friends went up to the watch tower on Tall Mountain (The tallest mountain in the area, though not tall compared to other mountains in some places) and slept there. They said it was so windy the hardly got any sleep.

Sunday started out as a very lazy morning, by my dad started trying to get people together to go on a three mile hike to the top of Tall Mountain. Eventually we had most of the people going. Some drove up most of the way and then hiked on a road for one mile the rest of the way. Others, like my parents and me, hiked the three mile trail up. Once at the top all of us had lunch, and then everybody went down again. Needless to say, the group on the trail down was less than the group on the trail up. That was the trip I picked up a walking stick, which I soon was very glad of. After making a handle I’m now very pleased with it. I’ll have to remember it on other trips.

Sunday night it was the girls’ turn to sleep in the watcher tower. Mr. Walters went with Gracie, Mattie, and I so we would have some protection. It was windy, but I was able to sleep. In fact so soundly once I got to sleep that when Gracie tried to wake me up to look at the stars once the sky cleared up that I didn’t wake up! I find that amusing, since I normally am not hard to wake up.

Monday was mostly packing up. I was really worn out that day, emotionally; I hadn't been by myself hardly at all the whole trip because it didn't feel right when I was. And physically; it was a tiring trip! Due to being so worn out, I was glad to get home. It started sprinkling while we packed, and raining right as almost everyone was ready.


Sorry for the humongous post, if you read all that, I applaud you.
-Mary

Monday, October 22, 2007

Camping

I went camping this weekend, it was a lot of fun. I'd been worried that it wouldn't turn out well, since camping trips have recently become rather un-fun for me, but I had no need to worry this time. There were several other families with us, so that meant that Daniel and Camila had friends to hang out with, as did the rest of us.

I have to get off now, so I'll try and make another post tomorrow, which shouldn't be a busy day.